She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
