i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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