He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
