I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
