He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
