Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
