my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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