Don't you send me to vm
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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