Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
