she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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