Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
