i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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