Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
