Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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