I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
