Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
