I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
