You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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