He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
