I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
