Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
