that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
