I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
