We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
