someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
