I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
