I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
