I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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