That's when you crack a 10am beer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You made out with two different species that night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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