i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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