Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
