4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
