what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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