im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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