I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
