I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
