all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
