i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
