people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
