I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
