you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
