awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
