i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is Oprah even human
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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