Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
