do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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