'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
