Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
