Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
