I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
