thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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