why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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