Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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