i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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